Thinking

[angel_jane]

My father has a hell of a lot to answer for some days. He said I would never make it without hi, and he was probably right to some degree, I do need support. but he is not here, I am and for some reason 14 months after his death, whilst suffering anxiety, strss, depression and a continued high state of nervousness I feel that maybe things are goign to turn around.

Financially things are tight, my uncle has given me a gift that will get my rent paid over the next 2 months, this will make life a little better for me. I was thinking this month is the month I lose everything AGAIN. We have even agreed that I need a re-evaluation in august. It is weirrd, my father never seemed to like his brother much, yet I seem to get along most of the time well enough. i wish i had found out what my uncle was really like on my own. He has been a real rock since my father died, and I wish i had learnt sooner what he was about.

In other news I have a boyfriend. I really adore the guy we are coming up on a month together, and we seem to have similar opinions and values, which is nice. He is everything I ever hoped for so far, I am waiting for the first argument, but so far nothing has happened. I was supposed to see him this weekend (I am sorta glad I didn't see him, as I spiralled out today and to a degree yesterday over my finances) but he cancelled our plans as friends needed his help moving. (today was recovery after the lifting and the impromtu party (apparently he looks good in a blonde wig, must find this out and if there is photographic evidence) for those wanting to know his name is Nick and he works for BA