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Things done.
Jan. 13th, 2007 01:53 amYikes.
Ok well I have bought or done
Wicked - Its a novel. - Update on how it is when I am done. Though right now I still am in the settig up part of the book.
Printer cartridge - Ok so you know your life is boooorrrriiiinnnggg as hell when you write that in your journal.
Submitted psych of mental health essay - at 9pm which is odd.
Bought Dr who Boxset via ASDA - bit cheaper than everywhere else (Still pricey though)
Bought Mary J. Blige's Retrospective and Snow Patrol's Eyes Open, both eminantly lovelable IMHO
things to be done.
But ticket for Cardiff (National Express).
write Gender in Film Essay.
Revise for exams (sexualities and Mental health).
Put old account back into use and put £410 in to cover the next four months of bills (for those American's living in the US that would be around $800.
Buy Torchwood book for friend and also do dvd of A History of Violence.
Put aside £100 for trips to see Mark, caUse if I don't do that, I will never see one of my friends again IMHO.
Begin my Final Year project. Which I may actually feel hopeful about right now. In other words I think I have a direction at last.
So its gonna be a buy time ahead of me.
Finally am having a momnent of I am never leaving home, and I don't like this. My dad keeps saying that when I leve he is likely to move into an old folks home, which he then stipulates that he doesn't like. I know this is a ploy to keep me hom. He is noce to me when I have nothing going in my life, but begins the guilt trips and the no man will ever keep you around you aren't good enough at this and that. Or as he did with Richard say to me, when he knows what you are really like he will dump you and then what. I hate this feeling I have at the moment.
I want out so badly. I have to wait for my graduation, I haven't that much money and so need a job. I need to begin my own life or I am going to go nuts. He allows me freedom. That sentance says it all, doesn't it. He 'allows' freedom. Like he is so gratious. Like I should be greatful. What he is doing is masking his controlling with the appearance of freedom. I mean, I have to tell him what I am doing all the time. And if I want to have afternoon naps I have to ask. I didn't ask for the responsibility he says I have to him. My mother never wanted me to be living this life. I will be moving out. Fuck his 'you have a responsibility to me' attitude, I can not be anyone's but myself. If I have responsibilities they are not HIM!
Wow I feel so angry these days. This is not the person I am normally, and it is not the person I want to be. And if I hear the prhase 'play the game' from him I am gonna go nuts - it is always do things on my terms Or I will cause an argument. I have to do everything for him. I HATE THIS LIFE!!!!!
Ok well I have bought or done
Wicked - Its a novel. - Update on how it is when I am done. Though right now I still am in the settig up part of the book.
Printer cartridge - Ok so you know your life is boooorrrriiiinnnggg as hell when you write that in your journal.
Submitted psych of mental health essay - at 9pm which is odd.
Bought Dr who Boxset via ASDA - bit cheaper than everywhere else (Still pricey though)
Bought Mary J. Blige's Retrospective and Snow Patrol's Eyes Open, both eminantly lovelable IMHO
things to be done.
But ticket for Cardiff (National Express).
write Gender in Film Essay.
Revise for exams (sexualities and Mental health).
Put old account back into use and put £410 in to cover the next four months of bills (for those American's living in the US that would be around $800.
Buy Torchwood book for friend and also do dvd of A History of Violence.
Put aside £100 for trips to see Mark, caUse if I don't do that, I will never see one of my friends again IMHO.
Begin my Final Year project. Which I may actually feel hopeful about right now. In other words I think I have a direction at last.
So its gonna be a buy time ahead of me.
Finally am having a momnent of I am never leaving home, and I don't like this. My dad keeps saying that when I leve he is likely to move into an old folks home, which he then stipulates that he doesn't like. I know this is a ploy to keep me hom. He is noce to me when I have nothing going in my life, but begins the guilt trips and the no man will ever keep you around you aren't good enough at this and that. Or as he did with Richard say to me, when he knows what you are really like he will dump you and then what. I hate this feeling I have at the moment.
I want out so badly. I have to wait for my graduation, I haven't that much money and so need a job. I need to begin my own life or I am going to go nuts. He allows me freedom. That sentance says it all, doesn't it. He 'allows' freedom. Like he is so gratious. Like I should be greatful. What he is doing is masking his controlling with the appearance of freedom. I mean, I have to tell him what I am doing all the time. And if I want to have afternoon naps I have to ask. I didn't ask for the responsibility he says I have to him. My mother never wanted me to be living this life. I will be moving out. Fuck his 'you have a responsibility to me' attitude, I can not be anyone's but myself. If I have responsibilities they are not HIM!
Wow I feel so angry these days. This is not the person I am normally, and it is not the person I want to be. And if I hear the prhase 'play the game' from him I am gonna go nuts - it is always do things on my terms Or I will cause an argument. I have to do everything for him. I HATE THIS LIFE!!!!!
