WHY am I such a fucking idiot!!!
Mar. 18th, 2004 01:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angel_janewell I have officially fucked up a friendship.
I cared a lot for him, but when he got together with his girlfriend I sought to turn myself off of him. Why? Because otherwise I will get jealous and fucked up. (There are some individuals this don't apply to for one reason or other) So I found him slightly less attractive to stop me fucking up an already fragile friendship.
so we come to last night. we are in the same chat together and we are larking around as usual and he says something about his looks or distinct lack there of (He is actually quite handsome)
It ended up with a load of joking and a screw you in the end, to which he said no thanks and I said I would shag a certain Iraqi dictator over him and then told him I didn't find him attractive because he had someone.
I have in effect killed a friendship I loved, I even had a small crush on him. I feel so stupid and hurt so much that I was so stupid for saying that.
I don't know if he will read this. If he does, then I am sorry and never meant most of it. Espesically the fuck a dictator thing, though it might make a nice outreach program!
In other news I am now not just taking a semester out, but I am repeating a year!
I am on prozac because I have depression.
My uncle has ripped apart both his own family but my mums too.
I have for the last four months been trying to keep everyone happy and have given too much of a shit about it all and have pulled myself apart in the doing of. So here I say no more! I refuse the pain and the hurt and i refuse to take it and use it on my friends. They are getting short changed because of the willful actions of one asshole fuck up cretin.
If my family has a problem they can take it elsewhere. I no longer give a shit!
I cared a lot for him, but when he got together with his girlfriend I sought to turn myself off of him. Why? Because otherwise I will get jealous and fucked up. (There are some individuals this don't apply to for one reason or other) So I found him slightly less attractive to stop me fucking up an already fragile friendship.
so we come to last night. we are in the same chat together and we are larking around as usual and he says something about his looks or distinct lack there of (He is actually quite handsome)
It ended up with a load of joking and a screw you in the end, to which he said no thanks and I said I would shag a certain Iraqi dictator over him and then told him I didn't find him attractive because he had someone.
I have in effect killed a friendship I loved, I even had a small crush on him. I feel so stupid and hurt so much that I was so stupid for saying that.
I don't know if he will read this. If he does, then I am sorry and never meant most of it. Espesically the fuck a dictator thing, though it might make a nice outreach program!
In other news I am now not just taking a semester out, but I am repeating a year!
I am on prozac because I have depression.
My uncle has ripped apart both his own family but my mums too.
I have for the last four months been trying to keep everyone happy and have given too much of a shit about it all and have pulled myself apart in the doing of. So here I say no more! I refuse the pain and the hurt and i refuse to take it and use it on my friends. They are getting short changed because of the willful actions of one asshole fuck up cretin.
If my family has a problem they can take it elsewhere. I no longer give a shit!
