Title needed
Apr. 4th, 2006 06:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angel_janeI have just read an article which has again borought up several issues all at once.
As covered in a prior entry i was abused in a way that left me minus a term for it considering the sevberity of it and the age of the perpertraitor. What i had never put together was its repercusive effects.
I know I can relate to wome, I can even be attracted to them, but usually only if I don't know them, I believe this is because to know some one and also be iintimate is allowing a vulnerability, I can do this with men because I haven't been 'attacked' at my most vulnerable. But the thought of being vulnerable with women terrifies me if I am also attracted to them.
Considering my sex life and also most of my orientation is more interested in men I have no real problem, however ther is a part of my life where itt has affected. the pap smear. I have always felt more than a little trepidation, I have always wanted to run screaming and to be honest it was the plan I used for a long time.
I just read an article about a woman who died a year after geting an abnormal result. It has highlighted I need this life saving test, but I am terrified, I am once again vulnerable and being subjected to something quite invasive.I need to find somewheere i can have this done, where I feel safe. And perhaps someone holding my hand, so I am not alone and scared.
All I can say is on the whole I feel like a messed up individual.
As covered in a prior entry i was abused in a way that left me minus a term for it considering the sevberity of it and the age of the perpertraitor. What i had never put together was its repercusive effects.
I know I can relate to wome, I can even be attracted to them, but usually only if I don't know them, I believe this is because to know some one and also be iintimate is allowing a vulnerability, I can do this with men because I haven't been 'attacked' at my most vulnerable. But the thought of being vulnerable with women terrifies me if I am also attracted to them.
Considering my sex life and also most of my orientation is more interested in men I have no real problem, however ther is a part of my life where itt has affected. the pap smear. I have always felt more than a little trepidation, I have always wanted to run screaming and to be honest it was the plan I used for a long time.
I just read an article about a woman who died a year after geting an abnormal result. It has highlighted I need this life saving test, but I am terrified, I am once again vulnerable and being subjected to something quite invasive.I need to find somewheere i can have this done, where I feel safe. And perhaps someone holding my hand, so I am not alone and scared.
All I can say is on the whole I feel like a messed up individual.