A descision

What my descision pertains to is the berevement of my mother. With my father I allowed myself to grieve, with my mum however I put it on hold as I had become a full time caregiver (not the easiest of jobs) and in talking with john I have allowed me to begin the grieving, but I really think I need to seek some prefessional help to work my way through the issues it has raised, my guilt around the circumstances of the event of her death (from cuases no one knew about) and all the BS that went on around it. I am obviously not putting it to one side. I am not moving on. It is getting to the point that I can't talk about my mother without  crying my eyes out, I can talk about my father.

I need some help. Sudden death is hard to deal with. I really want my mum back.