Almost messed it up

For the past few days I have been stressed upset and worried, due to somethings a couple of peple, who know nothing of me said to me, unfortunately that led to some truely stupid behaviours on my part (hyper insecurity, desire to be talked to all the time, clingy needy bullshit). thing is for the last 9 months I have been happy wit myself. I am even happy with where I live and isn't that a surprise. I don't like where  wrk, I despise my boss, but what ca you sayeveryone has an issue hiding, and I am looking for another job. But yeah he was about to split up with me at the end of today, and he wrote me a text of that eh thought I needed a step back.I don't I am happy with him. I am happy with me.

I called him in the end, used all my credit on my phone and sorted things out. He doesn't want someone who is goign to try and nurture and take care of him, or worry over him. (The I'm a big boy really syndrome)So I will have to stow that. What he wantss is a happy and condfident person. I am happy, my job is annoying and my birth control seems to mae me cry at the drop of a hat for some reason. But I am happy. I have control over where my life is going if I want to chnge it, i can and to be honest I am. Those are the things that make me clinically depressed if I don't have control over them.

I had to ask for a chance to prove I am happy (bizarre I know) but once he was ok with it all we had a good chat, we talked about work, I talked about me, what my issues really were and told him I wished I could have told him on thursday, and he asked why didn't. To be honest it would have, but I thought I could handle on my own (weight is the one area I tend to invest emotionally, I am overweight, I also lost 28lbs last year! The happy confidence I had when I found out, was crushed by the rotten cow, when she made me feel fat (She called me morbidly obese at the training table).

I think now I know I can call him at the end of the day and talk to him, I will be happier. I talked to him and for the first time I felt connected. he is agreat person, when he thought I wasn't happy with the person I am, he thought I would be better focusing on me, than on him. he thinks a lot about others which is one of the things I like the most about him. I don't want this to go wrong, so I am goign to try and chill out.

I went and saw a sort of ex. we dated a few times but he was to lusty for me, so he felt he couldn't date me.(odd I know) but he gave it to me straight, the fact I get texts a lot from my ex, puts guys off . Fair enough. The fact that I have a tendancy to worry is also an issue. Ok well too much time allows me time to worry and conjure dumb ass thoughts in my head. I also need to stop expecting the worst. I keep expecting that it will all end tomorrow (self fulfilling prophecy) I need to chill out and do something once a week for me, like I dunno go for a walk, or concentrate on my writing.