(no subject)

I wish people would disclaimer any medical crisis with the line not dying just very ill, would be so damn helpful.

Apparently my uncle is just very ill with a chronic, but not yet, life threatening illness. So of course when my dad says he's getting weaker blah blah blah hink he's dying oh my god, how much more am I supposed to take cause since I was 16 I have lost & friends and family and for someone as emotionally sensitive as i can be, I tend to panic and well this was said case unfortunately panic turned to total woe is me and bitchy mode and pissed someone off (quite rightly too) with my total passivity and I'll let life happen to me. TO be honest I want events to sweep me off and for me to experience them cause yeah no one really did expect the spanish inquistion so..Yeah I want to experience it by drifting along, sure there are things I wanna do and I will do them, but then what what do I do when they are done?

And finally I was in an IM with a friend and I said something that kinda made me smirk even though it was a lot evil.

Buddy: I know, but I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment
Me: no there is glutton for punishment and then there is sado masachistic tendancies, your the later

Yoinked from my boyfriends favourite message board and I figured hell yes to the truth.

This is all going to sound very up my own arse and like i know it all so i'm gunna put this disclaimer in first. I dont everything, i barely know anything, i'm in the same situ as everyone else just it seems that i'm the only one taking notes and learning from what has gone on in the passed through my limited experiances and my quite vast vicarious ones.

So, you wanna know how to be happy and have good relationships?

First things first, know your damn self, you cant learn shit all about anyone else without first knowing about yourself. Sounds like generic advice? yup its true everyone says this but noone supplies details, well it goes like this.

* Discover what foods you like and dislike, what music you enjoy/hate and what kind of art you are into and what ones you think are just finger paintings by a monkey.
* Find out what conversation topics get you stoked into an interested debate or even an angered rage (just ask me about road humps, i'll show you what i mean!).
* Find out what makes you laugh, what type of humour you have, hell even work out what kinds of laughs you have (personally i have a range of different laughs such as 'big belly laugh', 'girly giggle', 'contagious laugh', 'amused smirk')
* Detail what makes you sad, like what really tugs on your heart strings or flat out makes you cry (guys suck it up you fuckers, we've all cried at some point, find out what it is that does it to you). It may be a good book or film, it may be hearing about poverty stricken countries in the news it may just be when you stub your toe.
* Now the fun one! Find out what turns you on and off (this is especially important for the sexual part in any relationship), what can give you a rock hard woody in 10 seconds flat and what makes you drier than the moon, yes folks this does mean playing with yourself, turns out it wont make you blind it will mean that you will have more fun when it comes to multi player mode!
* Find out what your morels are and what you beleive in, dont just think about it and declare 'i beleive in such and such' most people think they have a good set of beleifs and lie to themselves quite happily while not following any of them. This is a hard one, you may want to start out by jotting all these down then comming back in a week and seeing which ones you actually followed (obviously dont go out and shoot a chav because you think its morrally right! I'm talking about little things like littering, helping friends etc).
* Discover what makes you sick/healthy by like going out and getting drunk or by sleeping too little, then do the oposite, see how much you can force yourself to sleep, see how much health food you can eat etc. This is all about finding out your own tollerences, once you know these you can know what you can push and what you have to call a stop on (people say i'm crazy for averaging less than 4 hours sleep a night during the week, this is somthing at this point in my life i can do, it makes me a little tired all the time but it frees up a load of time to do other things i want to do).


Ok you probably get the drift now on all of that and i cant be assed to think up any more headings, the important part its remember it, remember all the answers given, write em down if you need to, put it in a blog/diary i dont care just so you have record of it somewhere because this is a guide to what it is to be you, from now on stick with this as a good solid basis, when someone asks you for your opinion or your thaughts on somthing you can then give it truthfully and honestly knowing that it actually is your thaughts/opinion rather than one you have been given by someoene/somthing else. As an also to this which is equally as important as remembering it is to keep it up to date! People change, events change information is updated, do the same to your own guide, dont ever be affraid of taking on board someone elses traits/opinions and incorporating them into what is YOU as long as you agree with them and are not just blindly following.

Once you know all this ACCEPT IT! it is you, you've got it written down so just accept it! Then comes the fun stuff in life, because once you know what makes you happy, you can persue that! You can be happy in yourself without need of outside reliances (ie a guy/girl or people telling you you are happy etc).

Congratulations, you are now an INDIVIDUAL, none of that crunch hippy shit about 'be yourself man', you can now think for yourself, look after yourself and most importantly when someone says BE YOURSELF you can actually know what it means to do that, you no longer have to catagorise your self as certain things (altohugh for descripting sake when passing on info to anotther person sometimes its easier to use stereo types but thats an asside from). When someone asks me who are you? I can simply say i am James (and with that i know everything that comes with being me).

Now, before we even get to relationships first comes understanding people, but guess what, onces you've done all that shit above it actually becomes fecking easy to understand others, basically just copy and paste your work sheet, rub out all your answers and fill in the details of the other person and away you go! Its that simple! This guide as it where, used in conjunction with other peoples guides can then be used to work out why people do the things they do, you can see there motivations and see through any blocks they try and put up. You no longer have to go through all that trust bollocks because you have a pretty good idea of what the result will be (now before you all start screaming that this takes all the fun out of life because you know so much about what is going to happen, i can straight up say this is bollocks, you still actually have to go through the steps which is where the fun is, ie i know it will be fun if i went to thorpe park, but just because i know what the outcome will be its not going to stop me from going through the steps and having fun (well actually my bank balance is stoping the thorpe park plan but still!)).

And finally relationships!

This is probably then the easiest bit of all (and probably the bit i can take most flack on by those that know me a little be cause they'll say why dont i take my own advice, to that i say i'm my own worst enemy and leave it at that).

When you start to know people start to understand them you can then go looking for the type of person you actually want to be with, and you will know what type of person that is because of all the self research you did earlier so you will have no problems there, further more because you are now more observent in the ways of people you will actually be able to locate and identify these people very quickly while discounting the rest. Oh and if you ever need any help in this catagory ask a member of the same sex as the target person what they think about them (remembering also to quantify that persons answer based on their guide, i say this because so often examples of this such as a girl with a guy best friend who fancies her but she doesnt realise, she then asks the for the guys opinion on other guys and so naturally he is going to downplay or ridicule them in favour of himself). Quite often is it good to bow out to several other peoples opinions (as long as they hold true and are quantified properly) in cases by which you cannot acurately find the answer yourself such as if you really fancy the person and so are bias towards reading them in a favourable light.

Now, once you've picked out your target, erm i mean perspective love, GO AND TALK TO THEM! If you need a little dutch courage thats fine just dont have too much, but the easiest thing to do is just think, you are happy in yourself already because of all the shit we've already covered, so this person can do little to harm you as you know and are happy with everything you are, on the plus side it could work out (weeheey!). Also very importantly dont lie when talking to them, ie dont just like a band because the cute girl you are chatting to likes them, infact dont be affraid of having oposing opinions as its often the differences between us all that makes people so interesting.

From then on the other main points of contention are:

* The sex. Here is where all that playing with yourself paids off, because now you are playing multiplayer Very Happy key thing, comunicate and take it light heartedly, you know what you like done to yourself so tell your partner how to do that, and listen to what they like and do that. If it doesnt work out well the first couple of times keep trying but vary what you are doing etc, always keep it light hearted though, so dont get angry or annoyed if it was bad this time, just think you have now eliminated another failed route and can move on.

* The arguments/disagreements. This happends in every relationship (be it sexual/romantic or just between friends), this is a given, i've had an argument or disargeement with everyone i know at one time or another, so has everyone else. The trick to arguing properly is to not tie your own ego/sense of self into it or question that you care for each other. You already know that you are a happy person from all the stuff above, you already know that the person you are argueing cares about you from the stuff above SO KEEP IT OUT OF THE DISSAGREEMENT, seriously just because you argue it does not mean you have to brake up, if it gets that heavy just take a break for five mins to cool your heals and remember that it is just a difference of opinion that is all.

* Communication. Kinda linked in with everything above but thaught i should re-cover, this is very important! Tell each other stuff, do not hide shit like going to see friends of oposite sex etc, but be truthfull, remember you are YOU so have your own damn opinion, if you dont want to go to the cinema or bowling then thats cool, if your partner does then thats cool, but dont just go because you are trying to sucome to their choices.

* How you treat each other. Now you should always treat each other with respect and not try to hurt each other mentally or worst, physically (i'm discounting bondage shite as thats stuff you ask each other to do). However all of this catagory is kinda made null and void because you should already have a fair idea of how this person will treat you, after all you read their guide, you know what they are like so there should be no real supprises here.

* Trust. This is the same as above, trust is generally bollock because you should already have a good idea what the person will do in a given situation so if you know that your bf is not the cheating type then do not panic when he's out with a female friend etc.

* Paranoia. Everyone gets this, it comes when you doubt your own judgement and do not know what the outcome will be. Everything above will help seriously cut this down, however it may still remain, from there the best thing to do is break what ever you are feeling down in to 2 catagories:

- The ones you do nothing about (yes you can have random feelings for no reason, or they can just be completly irrational jumps of conclustions, basically in this case just ignor the feeling, it will go away thats how feelings work)

- The ones you do somthing about (if somthing does not fit the guides or there is some sort of outside factor then do not panic or worry about this, simply TALK! present your partner with your suspeciouns and possible conclusions that can be drawn from this, they can then give you further information with which to base a conclution or they can just correct some of your starting assumptions. NEVER make an argument out of paranoia or take your paranoia as fact, paranoia is simply a feeling, GET HARD EVIDENCE/INFORMATION!).