angel_jane: (Default)
I am nearly 30 - my biggest ambition is to be a writer and to have kids. So yeah I really DON'T know what to do with my life. I am not career minded at all. I was never briught up to be that. No one sat me down and said have a game plan - everyone was working from the crib sheet of the 1950's.

So now I am expected to want to do something for the REST OF MY LIFE. I studied psychology in university - and there are parts that fascinate me - but - I can't imagine being there forever. That said I have done nothing for the last year and I am stagnant.

I want a future, bright shiny ones are out of stock at the moment, so I will take anything and work from there. My biggest want is to be a writer. but feel that that will never happen. I am beholden to fears not inserted by experience or many rejections. But placed by a paternal figure who had no business being a father. And certainly had no business handing out advice.

I have no clue where to go for the future and everyone expects me to get a job and be happy - but I can't even work out what to do. I have experience up the wazoo of customer service - but if I spend too much time there I am going to killl myself mentally. But I can not experience anywhere else and I have no idea on how to change 'career direction'.

I feel like I am at the end of my tether. I go for job interviews these days and I am being looked at as though I am about to have kids. Chances are no. The boyfriend I have is currently putting up so many road blocks and hurdles to overcome I will be 50. But no employer wants to hear that. SO getting a job is impossible.

I have fucking well had it!

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angel_jane

April 2011

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