angel_jane: (Default)
 So I did an interview an I thought I had tanked it. Nope, apparently I was successful and I am through to the second level. But, and there is always a but, I need to work on my confidence. So, yep I am trying to work that out. I have also been put forward for a second job - which seems interesting, though I have less than a lot to go on with it, other than the guy is looking for sales/customer service/marketing or promotions girls - well I fit two of those categories! I also took an interview workshop which really helps. Istead of giving experience as anecdotal stories - I will now have a stich, task, activity, response structure to all answers.

I other news what I thought was TJMD turns out to be a lot lot lot more serious - anyone who follows me on twitter knows I have spent MONTHS and MONTHS bitching about the level of pain I was in. Someday I was walking around with most of my face aching deeply in pulses and it sucks enough that you are taking ibuprofen. Then there were days where the ache gave way to electrical pulses that went up to my nose, my forehead, my jaws and pounded like ice shots through my teeth.

I would get this for an hour and then I would think pain killers had kicked in and it would go away. Things got worse about a month ago. I was getting those painful excruciating attacks every other day - and then they started prolonging in duration. hour to two hours.

Two weekends ago things came to head, the pain never left, It started on Friday night and it was terrible, I was crying and nothing would stop it. I began essentially overdosing on Ibuprofen and Paracetemol (tylenol for the North American's reading) in a bid to get some relief. I got none, and the same went for sleep. I broke about 6pm on Saturday - I was screaming and writhing. I was also beginning to day dream of either smashing my face against my bedpost ends (iron bedstead)or committing suicide. I was completely out of my fucking tree.

I saw a Emergency doctor - told him what I thought it were and he prescribed co-dydramol an opiate based painkiller with a tylenol add on analgesic. On top of that cocktail I was also given Diazepam as a muscle relaxer. I took them on the way home - must have looked like a drug addict, but I really could not care about appearances. I was in such a way that I didn't know what was really going on anymore. I didn't sleep Saturday. by 2pm Sunday I was nuts with the pain and I called the Emergency doctor and I was sobbing down the phone. I was told to come in ASAP and that his colleague would see me irrespective of who was appointed. I saw him and explained the issue and well, this gets covered in an entry HERE 

Well my miracle drugs have side effects. I can be a little spazzy and blank on things which I can live with, and it doesn't cover all the pain - I have a very minimal ache most of the time - i can live with that. The one thing I have really liked about these pills - tiny though they are is that I get a mood balance (Can I get a laugh) that makes me hyper and kinda perky (Like that girl in high school you always had a suspicion would one day snap - yep, that's me right now) Thing is, it was me, before the pain started 2 years ago - It's the me John fell in love with - I have focus and drive and passion again. I don't feel dead inside, I don't feel the dread I have that the pain will come. I am positive - and with all the support and the testimonials I have seen about TN I feel as thought I can have a career and kids and the life I really want!

And tomorrow is St. Patrick's - John has decided to go out with the lads and have a laugh. He is apparently goign to dress in his big paddy's day hat and his guiness T-shirt, cause  you know looking like a muppet does not faze my man (Good thing too, we have a daughter at any point, I know that she will dress him up in make up, and he will let her. Yes, I know what kind of daddy my man will make) So whilst my man is dressing up, I am heading to my besties (though in my heart she is my little sister) and we are drinking lime Cordial (All I could find that was Green) and eat cake! Sounds like a celebration to me!
angel_jane: (Default)
No I am not all stabbity. I figured that was something that would be worth stating right now. But yeah, I had an issue this week, and it bleed everywhere. My boyfriend, who seriously makes the tedium of unemployment bearable, had to traipse off to Dundee, in gloriously fucked up and freezing Scotland. So on Sunday I said farewell and that day I was ok. But Monday and Tuesday were hell on Earth. I got a few texts and a couple 30 second chats before he went to bed, but nothing else. And suddenly I felt alone. Added to this trying to enter any conversations with any friends over the last couple of days has not been fun - mostly cause very few people responded to me. My sense of isolation and loneliness went sky high and well everyone got to see me losing the plot on twitter. Which has me worried - I thought I was a little more stable and durable than this.

In Other News

So everyone knows my state of employment or not, a couple of things are happening for me in that regards so lets bullet point and try to explain them a little.

  • I have been referred to a company called Ingeus - A company that helps people get back into work. They seem to be a great place, and I did walk out really optimistic that they would cover the things I needed that the government have overlooked completely. They seem good, I hope that the next six months are high yield in terms of opportunities.
  • I am going to be starting a training course in Business Administration - this is important because at least now I can have a steady progression and not face the rest of my life is pathetic dead end jobs.

Hopefully these two things will mean that I can start looking at things like entry level career jobs (the kind everyone seems so invested in) What is a career anyway? Is it staying in one field for the rest of my life or is it different jobs with a thread between them? I give up trying to define anything. 

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April 2011

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