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[personal profile] angel_jane
 So there is a support group that I have joined that seems incredibly friendly, in fact from the time I put up a profile I have had four welcomes and two friendings - and 1 of the welcomes was from the sites founder - which was awesome since the site is one of like 20 for rare conditions! 

They have a blog thing there and I am going to blog specific TN stuff there. I will mention it here, but no one really wants to know that I feel like someone is chainsawing their way through my face. No one wants to read that.

But I thought I would share my initial blog post from there to here;

Who Am I? A quick introduction.

Hi, my name is Angela (though my friends call me Angel and you guys an too!), I am a 29 year old grad of psychology and English. I live in London UK. I love singing, acting, and have a major dream of being a writer. I have a boyfriend of 2.5 years a perpetually asleep cat named Brandy, who is the inheritance from the passing of my parents, I have no biological siblings - but my best friend has been non-legally binding adopted by me as my sister.

I believe in disabled, women's, and homeless people's rights. I am that annoying person in a queue who will start up a conversation, and for some reason I am an open book. As a kid I wanted to be a spaceman (shoot for the stars, huh?) and an actress. I am still finding myself out and what I want from to give to the world. I also suffer TN - and the past week of assimilating that concept has been miserable.

And how did I wind up here, at this place in my life?


Last weekend I had an attack that lasted all weekend and the idea of that happening this weekend scares the pants off of me to be frank. My long-term boyfriend is away and the idea of the pain coming back scares me.

I was diagnosed last weekend. I screamed most of the weekend. Was given opiate based painkillers to deal with the pain - and they never even put a dent in it. The more I was scared and anxious because of the pain, the more the pain came. If I was in the cold, the pain eased off, as soon as I sat on a bus or went home the pain was agony. I thought I was going to go insane - and to a degree I did. I started contemplating an end to it all, I didn't see the pain ever leaving, or even reducing down.

Right now I have a deep ache in my cheek and a feeling of inflamed gums and an ache-y jaw. I hate to think what the feeling would be without the Carbamazepine that I am on - though I think the dosage will likely be upped.

My biggest issue asides from the pain, is my local GP , who is only to happy to have me on the meds and threw out a second prescription, but when I asked for a referral to a face pain specialist, I was told it could wait and that the meds were going to "Cure" me. I am going to have to change doctor to be taken seriously.

This is ridiculous! I know there are people out there who are drug seeking, but they tend to be limited to taking opiate based drugs and if that is what my doctor is suspecting with me - he is going to have an interesting shock, the only thing that has worked is the Carbamazepine, and I would like to see how someone could get addicted to these side effects.

I never asked for this, no one ever has. I am 29 - I have kids in my future, I have a career in my future - just like everyone else does here. How do I incorporate this? How do I even get through a job interview when I get majorly distracted, blank minded and just spaz out?

How do I learn to keep calm and lose my anxious side, which seems to make this worse?

And is it ok to use this blog to talk about the TN - my journey and also as a therapeutic device - talking about it seems to reduce the stress levels. I am also starting to feel like I am among friends and people who know what I am talking about here.

Take care of yourselves,

Angel

xxx
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April 2011

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